It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize