Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
