I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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