I puked a lego.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
