I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize