Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
