You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Pants are for mortals
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
