K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
