So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
