I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
