It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
