Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
