I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
