My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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