I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
