32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
