life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize