I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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