WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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