peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
