So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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