I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
