i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
