It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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