You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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