they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
