Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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