when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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