we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
