Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
