shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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