I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
