The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
