she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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