so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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