I wish my penis had an off switch
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
