Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
