you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize