woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
