that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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