maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
