The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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