Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
