Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
