I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
