Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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