Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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