I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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