Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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