So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Send help, water and tortillas.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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