I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
