You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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