I bet he comes in French.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
