he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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