Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize