the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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