I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
they're like a gay fantastic four
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
