some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This baby is an asshole
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Ladies don't puke and tell
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
