God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
