too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
