Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
