the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
