she is the kim kardashian of front butts
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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