Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Couch. On fire.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
