Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
do herpes really smell.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
