grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
