I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
