Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Randomize
